Bourne Trilogy

PREAMBLE

Good day, ladies and gentlemen I will be testing out my most recent blogs abilities throughout the following few days, and I have decided to post a few of my older blogs. Hopefully you find them very interesting in hindsight. I now give you my personal opinion, including some biting sarcasm, regarding Matt Damon’s big break. Kudos kiddos!

CHAPTER 1
The Bourne Ultimatum is coming out in this seemingly never ending summer of sequels.

WE CAN ONLY ENDURE SO MUCH, HOLLYWOOD!!! We can take it no longer!

RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! I stand in the gap for my fellow cinematic victims!

No longer will we go and be privy to the pilfering of our meek and feeble minds on simple film dribble!

We will not watch the new “Pirates of the Caribbean” television serial! (I just about slapped the first piratical mascara wearing hipster I saw.) We will not clap and cheer the demise of another franchise! We have mourned the loss of Stars Wars long enough! Let us now have a moment of silence and remember the best elements of the Bourne films this far.

WHAT WAS FUN

A. Bourne is wicked cool as he beats the shnit out of people, his best excuse? “I don’t know how I do it, but I just do it.”

B. Bourne uses a pen to kill people. I hear in the next one he uses a newspaper. I thought you use those on little puppies? Maybe he should try rubbing their face in their own …..

C. The hero chick dies in Supremacy. In the first 10 minutes, no less! Somewhere Julia Robert’s agent is cringing.

WHAT WOULD BE FUN-ER

1. Bourne remember his wifes name, and also remembers he killed her while the opening credits are rolling. Now he’s just pissed at life. Hero’s with nothing to live for are more interesting. Sorta much like Mr. Sizemore. Except he’s a method actor. Someone should tell him to stop.

2. Julia Stiles joins him by his side. Also becomes his love interest, and eventually dies from a freak misunderstanding with Bourne and a newspaper.

3. More stuff blows up. Also more gadgets that are sleeker, smaller, and can be carried in your pocket. Of course, unless your caught with it going into a state prison. Then its your friends.

All in all, I have great hopes that this Bourne finale will be best. After all, it is his Ultimatum. If he doesn’t do as well what he will come back with? Bourne: Don’t make me count to three?